Miss Universe National Costume show 2013: 10 most alarming looks

Photo: EPA

Roll up, roll up. Prepare to be amazed as we unveil the Miss-takes, Miss-shapes and Miss-fits making up 2013's most alarming interpretations of the Miss Universe National Costume segment.... More pix after cut....


MISS PERU
Miss Peru looks like she went on an Inca Trail package tour and robbed an entire Andean village of souvenirs. Meanwhile, there's nothing quite so sinister as a plastic baby in a straw trilby whispering evil nothings in your ear when you're trying to catwalk.

MISS USA
Heidi Klum's legal team are probably preparing to mount a plagiarism lawsuit against Miss USA after spying her take on one of the model-turned-television host's most memorable Halloween outfits; the "Sexy Transformer". Fashioned from some left over washing-up liquid bottles, yogurt pots, cardboard boxes and a lot of glitter, the preschoolers who made this must have had great fun.

MISS MAURITIUS
When I think of Mauritius, I imagine sipping cocktails by the ocean in a sunshine paradise. Miss Mauritius actually came as the cocktail... complete with umbrella.

MISS NETHERLANDS
Going For Gold pop quiz: Who am I? I've got tulips on my ankles and wrists, a windmill and bicycle on my head and a canal running round my head?
The camel-toe's a red-herring - I am of course Miss Netherlands!

MISS GREAT BRITAIN
Well, this truly is an ensemble fit for a queen - Kate Cambridge, take note. Miss GB really has fused the four cornerstones of our beloved domicile into one regal look: pantomime, doilies, Cadbury's and Page 3. Bravo!

MISS BRAZIL
It was all going so well for Miss Brazil - the sexy Giuseppe Zanotti-esque tribal sandals winning admiring looks from the fashion pack, the delicate grass skirt winning admiring looks from the middle-aged men who no doubt came up with this ridiculous segment of the competition - but she couldn't stop there could she? She had to go and add a mural depicting all her favourite indigenous village folk she's met on her road to Miss Universe glory. Just killed it for us, I'm afraid.

MISS CURACAO
Look out Miss Curaçao, there's a six-foot sparkly reptile trying to mate with you. Bang goes any chance of blending in with the background...

MISS COSTA RICA
Great to see Miss Costa Rica giving Jordan's wedding dress a second wind, though someone should point out to the poor startled girl that flapping her arms won't make her fly.

MISS CANADA
Kim Kardashian lookalike Miss Canada took the national dress theme a bit too literally, dressed as a saucy Mountie. This is as ridiculous as Miss GB coming dressed as a saucy queen! Oh, wait...

MISS AUSTRIA
Somewhere over the rainbow... there's a much more exciting and glamorous outfit waiting for you. Perhaps it's time to make like the von Trapp's, climb every mountain and settle somewhere they actually take this sort of thing seriously. Whatever Austria, you had your chance.